Monday, 26 October 2009
It’s been a few weeks now since our first failed ICSI cycle. Still feeling a bit raw and a bit numb. There is a bitter taste in my mouth – that familiar taste of failure. It’s a distinct flavour that makes me feel ill 24/7 and I can’t wait for the taste to disappear. Maybe another bottle of wine will help?
Not only am I feeling raw and numb but also very upset. Part of my important support network has disappeared. Why? Too hard to explain. But I’ll do my best.
EPU is a very personal and private day. My husband was the only person I wanted to see on the day. He’s my best friend, the best support person and he also has the important job of providing sperm to the scientist! I also knew that Id be feeling a bit zombie like after the operation and would no doubt sleep most of the day away.
Now, a VIP in my life was hurt by my decision to not include them in my EPU day. This VIP chose to tell me about their feelings of rejection the day after my EPU, moments before my Dr called me with the devastating news of our fertilization results. Needless to say, this VIP chose THE worse moment to open up to me. I’m sure I was aggressive and witch like during our phone conversation and to be honest I don’t remember what I said. But I was hurt by the lack of post-op support and I was hurt by the comments made.
This was my moment to wallow. My pity party. And I don’t remember inviting anyone else to steal it from me.
My FS called a few days after the EPU and told me I probably suffer from LOR or low ovarian reserve. This simply means I don’t have many eggs left.
Whoa. Hold up a minute. Not many eggs left? I’m 29 years old for f@cks sake! How on earth did that happen?
FS has recommended a new drug called DHEA (sounds like a law enforcement agency). The drug is meant to improve my ovarian function and stimulate whatever eggs I do have left.
Time to sign off for a few months. Time to relax and let this DHEA do it's thing.