Friday, 31 December 2010
Why? We’ll be forced to listen to the angelic voices of children singing, watch parents and children open gifts and brave the shopping centres filled with prams. Everywhere we turn, children are at heart and this only emphasizes our childlessness.
But this year I survived Christmas. My best survival yet in fact! I listened to those children sing Christmas carols, watched my nephew open his gifts with a smile and survived the shopping centres. My outlook has been altered this year and I’m glad I got to enjoy Christmas without feeling too empty.
As the New Year approaches and I reflect on the year that was 2010, I’m feeling OK. We’ve spent the better part of our year trying to conceive and got nowhere. Sure I’ve achieved some great things this year personally but my biggest dream and goal are yet to be reached.
The New Year brings new beginnings and a new hope. A hope this time next year we’ll be pregnant and this will be the last childless Christmas.
Sunday, 5 December 2010
This took some getting use too. Our parents didn’t bring us up to talk about sex, sperm and vaginas at the dinner table. However people are interested in our story so we answer those personal questions as best we can.
Typing my feelings into this blog each month soothes my anger and sadness. I have no idea if we’ll ever be blessed with children or if everything will continue to be a disappointment. What I do know is I want to be able to help others understand infertility.
It ain’t easy living in a society where family is everything. My husband and I are confronted EVERY SINGLE DAY with our inability to have children; whether it’s a Fisher and Price ad on TV, seeing a pregnant woman in the street or the Kindergarten centre across the road from our apartment. All of it has some kind of impact on us as individuals and as a couple.
Instead of preparing for parenthood and buying cute outfits, cots, prams and car seats, DH and I are forced to either save for our next IVF cycle
or pay off the last failed cycle. Instead of turning our spare room into a nursery, DH and I are forced to keep the door shut so it’s not a constant reminder.
We’ve spent over $30,000 on assisted conception and still there is no hint of a stork visiting us anytime soon.
All we want is a family of our very own. Hard for us and easy for others.