Just got the call from our embryologist ..... our embryos didn't survive.
Making the call to DH was the hardest call of my life. Devastation doesn't come close to how we're feeling. The FS has said this is probably the end of the ICSI road for us.
Mr Universe, what do we need to do to prove we'll be great parents?
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
For example, the phrase "I want a baby" allows me to continue "wanting a baby". If I focus my thoughts on the goal (having a baby) rather than the problem (wanting a baby).
This is not a new concept for me but it is a new path I've decided to dedicate some time too. Call it a spiritual journey. Call it a crock of shit. But I have nothing to lose in this quest of parenthood, this is simply adapting to a new way of thinking.
Making babies is hard work. But today DH and I are a step closer. It's a small step, but none the less it's a step to celebrate. My FS retrieved 9 eggs on Monday and 7 of the eggs were mature to use. Whilst I was excited by this result, I also knew the cards were stacked against us.
On Tuesday morning I woke up and the negative thoughts began. What if the eggs didn't fertilise? Was DH's fresh sample good enough to use? What if my recovery took longer than expected?
As soon as I realised negative thoughts had invaded my head space, I stopped, took a deep breath, made a cup of tea and began to list the positives;
- 7 mature eggs
- DH was producing sperm again
- My surgery was a success and I'm not in too much pain
- I get to have two days off work, rest and relax
- DH was being a wonderful nurse and looking after my every need
- We'd be OK no matter the outcome
This gave me the courage to have a chat with the Universe. The Universe and I have only had a few chats in the past, but now seemed like a good time. I told the Universe that we were ready for a baby. I imagined holding our baby. I imagined feeling our baby. Now it's time for the Universe (or Mother Nature) to create our baby.
I believe the Universe delivered. I got the call at 10.41am yesterday to say we had two embryos.
This has given me the hope and courage to continue my thoughts of 'having a baby'.