Monday, 28 May 2012

Good-Bye Doubt

Today is day 7 of my 4th cycle. Currently injecting 300 units of Puregon and I start Orgalutran injections tomorrow. 

I'm also eating pizza for lunch? Just in case you were wondering.

Feeling a little weird today, which for me is strange, because I'm normally a ball of positive vibes and feelin the love kinda gal. But my old foe 'doubt' has started creeping in and I'm trying hard to find a way to banish 'doubt'.

How on earth do say goodbye to old doubts in order to allow new beliefs to enter? I realise our previous cycles failed to work for a number of reasons, but this time should be different! This time we'll be using great swimmers and my DHEA is plumping up my eggs. Fab combination and hopefully a winning combination. 

Anyway, I decided to visit an old support group on EB last week and it dawned on me that everyone had graduated to parenthood ... but me. Woe me. I'm not jealous and I don't hold any envy. I'm just sad the journey is taking up our precious parenthood time. There are so many 'what if' type questions and I'm tired of trying to answer them.

Now is the time for me to say..... "GOOD BYE Doubt". 
Arrivederci, Adios, Sayonara

And may I welcome ..... Hope, Belief, Faith

Thursday, 24 May 2012

A donor is found

First post in nearly a year …… Hmmmm, where do I begin as so much as happened? This time last year,
DH and I were trying to decide on donor sperm or adoption.

Long story, short …… Donor was chosen. Donor was asked to donate. Donor accepted.

The donor is DH’s little brother. He’s an amazing man with the best of intentions. His words to us were “I’ll do anything you ask. Whatever it takes”.  Their bond now is unbreakable and I’m so proud of them both.

Let’s begin with an update!
My BIL agreed to a few home attempts as I wasn’t quite ready to return to IVF straight away. The first home attempt (turkey baster was swapped for a needleless syringe) was pretty embarrassing for us all but lucky we are all capable of using humor to diffuse an awkward situation.

We could all feel the rush of red to our cheeks, but we had a few drinks and calmed our nerves. My BIL went to the bathroom, left a swimmingly good donation for me. I collected the donation and went to the bathroom where the contents were transferred to a syringe and then transferred into my cervix. My legs were swung up into the air, and I remained in this position for 60 very long minutes, whilst DH and BIL continued to giggle like school boys out in the lounge room.

This whole process was repeated three more times – some with varying scenarios. One of the funniest scenarios was me driving to my BIL and collecting a donation before racing home to transfer the contents. I’m sure innocent motorists mistook our situation as a drug deal … because BIL approached my car, handed over a package which I immediately popped between my legs (to keep it warm), before speeding off.

Our 4th home attempt was very relaxed as everyone knew their role. Two weeks later my period arrived on time so I didn’t both doing a pregnancy test. Ten days later, I woke up to blood clots and horrific pain in my right abdomen. I was rushed to hospital and diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy. My hCG levels were only 120 and our baby was sitting in my right tube. It was decided that the pregnancy had to be removed and his meant removing my right tube.

It was such a blur and extremely surreal. DH and I were shattered naturally but somehow we remained strong and knew it was rotten bad luck. My bestie and DH were a wonderful supportive team whilst I remained in hospital and recouped. Both of them pointed out that I had achieved a pregnancy – the first pregnancy in my life!  Our home attempt had worked but it just implanted in the wrong spot.

A few weeks later and DH and I decided it was probably best to head back to IVF as assistance was needed. The next time was attempted this, we wanted bub to implant in the right spot.

So the donor counseling is complete – the three of us passed with flying colours. Our Dr has met BIL and completed all the necessary background checks and medical history. Our consent forms are signed and delivered and my period arrived on her due date.

Today is day 3 of our first ICSI cycle using donor sperm. Wish us luck!