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It heals. Some days it goes slowly. Other days it speeds by. It's been 10 months now since my 3rd ectopic loss. Ten months of heartache and soul searching. But it's also had so many fun moments.
For the first time in 5 years, I've been forced to relax and NOT try and conceive. Hubby and I have had so many laugh out loud moments, we've indulged, we've travelled more and we expanded our family and adopted another rescue do, Benji.
But time is nearly up. My 12 month ban to not fall pregnant is coming to an end and it's time to start thinking about the next step. I forced myself to make an appt with our IVF DR and get pick her brain about what happens from here. What are the risks? Will the level of care be intensified? Is there a different procedure we could attempt?
I'm SO NOT READY to make any decisions yet. I'm gathering information. I want to know if falling pregnant again is a silly idea? I know the percentage of a 4th ectopic is sky high (around 75% chance of it happening again). Or would I be silly to give up on this dream of having kids because I'm scared? There is a 25% chance that carrying a baby to 35 weeks could happen!
Our DR has recommended I see a life coach first and foremost. There is no point jumping into an IVF cycle if my head and heart are not aligned. It's been four weeks and I still haven't called the recommended life coach. What does that say about how I'm feeling?
I have all the IVF forms, prescriptions and blood test paperwork ready to go. The IVF care will be the same. A frozen cycle has been recommended. Valium will become my best friend pre and post transfer. I know the ectopic symptoms and what to look for. And if I ever acheive another pregnancy, I'll never carry to full term. My uterus has halved in size and my baby will be delivered earlier.
I just need to decide whether I want to give it one more shot ..... or let go of the dream. Is all this rotten bad luck? Or was this God's plan?
What would you do? Another cycle? Or accept it ain't meant to be?